Slow Down!Hello Subscriber First Name, Slow down! I don’t know how many times I’ll need to hear this before I really, really act on it. I first heard this when I worked in the corporate world: my two best bosses started my annual performance reviews with: Etta needs to slow down. I added it to my development plan when I started my coaching journey. I even have a decade-old faded post-it in my kitchen that shouts Slow Down! And yet . . . It’s hard! I hear this from my clients, who are leading teams through seismic change, disruption, danger, and uncertainty. It makes sense, when they feel they’re facing a raging fire, to quickly douse the flames. And yet . . . as my clients have found when they slow down, take a breath, and don’t try to save the day, the results are transformative. Yes, there’re times when swift action is the wise reaction. And yet . . . when our reflexive response in every situation is to act quickly, to solve the problem—when we fail to take a beat to listen to our team’s perspectives and creative ideas—we shut everyone down. This lesson came to life in a closing session with George, (introduced in last month’s newsletter). He told me how he’s changed—actually transformed. Now he’s the Guide, rather than the one with the answers. He sits back and allows. He shared what he learned about the power of slowing down. It’s like putting on a switch! I’m a different guy. My overall disposition is totally different. When you’re doing a lot of the talking, it’s signaling insecurity. I’ve become a better listener. I wait until my opinion is asked for, vs. always having something to say. I’ve become an active listener. Being more present, makes you more confident. I’m now the last one to speak. I asked him what happens in the room now? They appreciate my thoughts more. [In the past, when I didn’t listen] it was as if they were thinking ‘You haven’t even heard what I have to say, before you’re offering your opinion’. It’s a world of difference! Even in my marriage. My wife has noticed: ‘You’ve really grown!’. I was always dishing out orders. Now, I ask her ‘What do you think?’ I don’t impose my thoughts. We go with her ideas. In the past, she wouldn’t volunteer her ideas, because we’d always do it my way. [When I first began to wait to share my ideas] she thought I didn’t care. But when I checked in with her, about her ideas, she recognized that I did care. It’s like a superpower! The old way, was draining, trying to fix everything. Without knowing it, you were condescending: it [appears] you think they don’t know what they are doing. Now, I’m letting people fail forward. It’s OK. They learn better when you’ve allowed them to exhaust their own thoughts. They don’t want to be robots. Now, when you explain how you’d do it, it’s is in response to what they tried: you are bringing experience. They have the skill. If you keep trying to impose your ideas, they’re thinking: ‘If they had done it their way, it would be better’. You need to let them try and them help them see what was missing. By slowing down, I could identify the root cause of the situation. I realized I don’t need to jump in and save the day—yet. . . . Now, I don’t need to prove anything. Before, they’d see me as obnoxious [if I jumped in to offer my opinion.] Now, they respect me more, because I’m speaking less. Without saying anything, they know you are smart. You are now actively listening. . . . they will ask you for your opinion. Before, you wanted to show you were smart enough. Now, no one questions your being in the room. George and I spoke a bit about the presence of his Impostor and the Impostor’s role in all of this: It was the center of my life. I was overcompensating. The need to speak in the room. Now, [by slowing down], it quiets the Imposter. I asked what’s next in his leadership journey: I’d like to take on new mentees. I’d like to create a training process and experiment—to create a feedback loop. Then he paused . . . and reflected on his transformation: I’ve actually completely changed. I really changed. I feel more calm these days. I keep thinking ‘What is the root cause?’. I don’t jump into the solution. I look at the big picture. . . . I’m not reactive. It’s about slowing down. It takes a lot for those of us with fast brains. It’s a lesson in being selfless. It’s selfish to say what’s on your mind, to make your point. I sat there, taking in George’s amazement and delight, as he reflected on his new way of leading—on the impact it has on his team. His team is blossoming, their creativity ignited. Simply, by slowing down.
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