Reflections on ResolutionsHello Subscriber First Name, New Year’s resolutions . . . Ugh. Why do they feel so heavy? Perhaps it’s the burden of all the should’s—about our weight, our sleep, our work habits, the amount of time we spend working out, or playing with our children. The list of should’s is endless and demotivating. No wonder most resolutions don’t work. When we start with a should, it feels like an obligation, a judgement, or just hard work. It reminds us of all we’re not doing. So what does work? When I ask my clients what energizes them, they move forward quickly and fairly easily. When their desire for a new behavior outweighs the inertia of creating a new habit, they make the change. Trial and error also helps. One client, let’s call him Mike, started his coaching engagement wanting to focus on time management. His issue was his to-do list. Mike’s large projects were running well, but he never got to his collection of small tasks—they always fell to the bottom of the list. Meetings and urgent fires always pushed them aside. At the end of every week, he just didn’t have the juice to tackle his smaller to-do’s. So we turned his list upside down and tested it out. Mike’s experiments: his first was to come in an hour earlier, two days a week, to work on these small projects. It failed immediately! He recognized that getting up earlier didn’t energize him, and it added to his stress. So he tried a second experiment: to start each day (at his normal time) focusing on his to-do list, rather than his emails. He devoted an hour—uninterrupted by emails or calls. Within a couple of weeks, he knocked off the entire list! Crossing things off your list is one of the most satisfying and energizing things you can do. Carrying an endless list of to-do’s saps your energy. When you tend to your to-do’s, you clear your mind and free up space for more creative thought. Starting with a clear mind may feel like an unattainable goal. It might dredge up memories of failed attempts at meditating or it might not seem as important as the fires you’re putting out. Mona, a gifted leader, discovered the power of clearing her mind at the start of her day. When we first met, she was saying Yes to every request from her colleagues, and was exhausted. I’m overwhelmed. I miss the opportunity to be innovative. When we looked at all she was carrying, she recognized that much of it was in her control. She could delegate and train her team to take on more projects, she could begin to say No, and to set boundaries. She realized she never had any quiet, uninterrupted time to think. We played around with different options, and 30 minutes a day felt right. An hour was her goal, but she would build up to that. . . . Baby steps. Although she committed to 30 minutes, she wisely started with 15 minutes on her first day. She set a low bar to make the change in her daily habit less daunting. It also made success more likely. After one day, she consistently set aside 15-30 minutes of no phone, social media, email, or other interruptions. It felt so good, it easily became her daily routine. Mona also created a physical boundary—her closed door—as a signal to herself and her team that she did not want to be interrupted. She needed her Me Time. This was an important first step. Mona is a warm and attentive leader, who rarely says No. She was always available to her team. But it wasn’t sustainable. She craved time for herself. At first, her team was alarmed! What’s wrong with Mona? Is she ok? Is she sad? They asked if she was well. She explained this was her Me Time with her cup of coffee. They were amazed! They’d never heard her talk about her own time. After just a few days, Mona noticed the difference! I have this peace. I have the patience to slow down and hear someone. At first, I thought it would be hard. After three days of reflection, she recognized it was fear that held her back from delegating. This liberated her to begin delegating more rigorously. Within a month, she started to write about her feelings and discovered that writing about them, solves them. . . . I feel the relief. Mona was able to exhale. She experienced a sustained shift in her confidence, calm, and clarity. She discovered that delegation is amazing! Best of all, two senior members of her team started to hold their own Me Time. Mona’s team witnessed the change in her, and wanted that for themselves. For Mona, the practice of taking 30 minutes each morning has been quite meaningful for me, not just personally but in how I show up for my team. . . I’m glad if the story can be useful or inspiring to others. I believe most resolutions fail because our goals are too big, or they seem too hard. So start small. Set the bar low enough at the start, so you’ll be more likely to succeed. Celebrate you baby steps and pivot when it’s not working. Change is hard. And it’s worth it—as I learned from one of my great teachers. Choose something that energizes you and aligns with your purpose. If you’re driven by your should’s you won’t stick with it. That’s it. No magic. Just clarity around why it’s important . . . and follow the energy.
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